Hollyweird

I think I had an epiphany of some sort last night as I was driving to my weekly Co-Op meeting.

I had an audition last week for "Cavemen" and it was really encouraging because (a) I have never auditioned for a television show before, (b) I don't have an agent so I'm acting as my own, and (c) I got a callback for the role!

I was very excited, and didn't really think about the "quality", I suppose, of the role that I was up for. It was for two sisters that happen to be lesbians and have their own folk band. I will tell you right now that I have no problem with lesbians. I'm not one of those Christian folk who think they have to walk off the set or quit acting just because someone asked them to play a part that they feel "compromises" their morals. If you ask me, that's a bunch of caca. I remember hearing this Christian actor talk to my youth group back when I was in junior high school. He had traveled the country speaking about how he was a prestigious actor but someone asked him to do something in a movie shoot one time that compromised his personal beliefs, so he QUIT ACTING that very day and made his money traveling the country and telling children about the wiles of Hollywood.

I don't remember specifically what this guy was asked to do, but I recall thinking it wasn't half bad, and didn't deserve to have him quit for it. And now he's congratulating himself for quitting the business and thinks he's spiritually mature. I don't know, maybe I'm crazy, but can we say, "preaching to the choir"? Isn't it better to be IN it and be a light, rather than tell everyone how awful Hollywood is and how you are so glad you got out?

On the other hand, one of my friends from the Co-Op was originally cast in "Charmed". She played Alyssa Milano's part. She ended up quitting the show because it was getting too weird...sorcery, witchcraft, etc., and she just didn't want to be a part of it. It was affecting her personally. In quitting, she thought that she would never work again. She kept going at it and eventually got cast in many other TV shows. What has Alyssa Milano done since then? :)

Anyway, back to the point.

This role that I was called back for required me to unwillingly "kiss" my sister. (Watch "Cavemen", Episode entitled "Andy the Stand-Up", and you'll see what I'm talking about). At first, I was a little disappointed...I mean, really? Do I vibe lesbian? Does my headshot scream, "I'm BUTCH! Hire me!" I don't think so. At the same time, I'm not going to turn down an audition just because it calls for me to portray a lesbian. But I was definitely uncomfortable with the idea that, as my very first role on a television show (that will most likely get canceled), I am going to dress like a hippie folk singer and kiss another girl. It's just not worth it. Not because I have anything against lesbians, but it's just not who I am, and how I could best portray someone.


Obviously I didn't get the part, but I found myself very disappointed because I really wanted it. I wanted to be the very best choice. There were only seven girls up for those two roles, which meant my chances at getting cast were extremely good. It would have fit perfectly into my schedule; it would have given me a nice Co-star role on my (seemingly non-existent) TV credits portion of my resume, and it would've been a good experience. Not to mention the fact that I would've been PAID and I need some money right now.

As I was musing over not getting the role, I realized how stupid it all was. I was upset because I didn't get cast as a lesbian folk singer on a TV show called "Cavemen". (Insert chortle, snort here). Where in the world are my standards? I do not want to be the type of actor who will just accept any job because it's out there. I mean, in the real world, I could be offered a janitorial position at the local Greyhound Bus station, but I would NEVER take that job. So why do I compromise when it comes to television?

At the same time, it's not real. I am not a lesbian folk singer who is forced to kiss her sister on screen. Being a janitor day in and day out is totally real. And the money is terrible.

SO. I am truly thankful that I did NOT get cast. NOT because I am a gay hater, please. I have played a lesbian in a film trailer before, and it was great. It's just that I would rather have ten lines than two; I'd rather have my first television show appearance to be something dynamic and not just a stereotype and a joke; I'd rather be remembered for quality work instead of a flash-in-the-pan scene, and, truly, there are probably lesbian folk singers out there who would do a much better job at the role than I.